today is a friends b-day but unfourtely he cannot celbrate it cuz he died on this very day on his b-day. and he the only one that every care about me and was my only friend and understood me and didn't hate me for ne reason. the only person that love me and he prove it and everything. he never got mad at me for all the cutting and drinking i did cuz he was a cutter and a drinker and he understood why i cut and drank all the time. he was also suicidal just like me and we both have been through and whole lot of shit when we were growing up and everything. i love him sooo much and he was the only person that saw other sides of me that no one else saw cuz i'm always depressed around them. but when i was with Chris i was always happy and i didn't feel ne depression. but when i wasnt with him i was cutting all the time hurting myself in ne way i could. and the next time i would see him he wouldn't get mad at me for my new cuts or ne thing i said. and he also knew i have really bad anger problems. sometimes i would yell at him or hit and he wouldn't get mad or tell me to stop all he would say was just let ur anger out on me it will make u feel better. he was everything to me and i was everything to him nothing was going to seprate us at all no matter wat. one day we made a promise that when i was 18 and he was 21 we would going to do something together and no one was going to stop us from doing it cuz no one care bout us xcpet us. he only care for me and i was the only one that care for me and that was it. we were nothing to the world we were just worthless humans in the world that had nothing to live for and had no one. but when we became of age we were going to wat we promise each other. now i'm 18 and today he's 21 and our promise was going to come true a week after today. but instead 7 yrs ago he died, and now our promise cannot not be made together. but i will keep my promise i made to him 7yrs ago even if its without him. i will do it so we can be together forver again. but now i'm still thinking if i want to keep the promise cuz my boyfriend that i'm with now reminds me soo much of Chris and no one is suppose to. Chris was the only one for me, the only one that love me and understood me and meant everything to me. but my boyfriend is soo much like Chris everything about him reminds me about Chris the only thing the different is that my boyfriend doesn't want me to die and tells me to stop hurting myself each time he sees me with all my cuts. just like with Chris i tell my boyfriend everything that happens to me and i promise him that i would tell him when something was really wrong and he would listen. he wouldn't judge me ne other way and wouldnt say the stupid shit everyone else says to me he listens then talks to me. when i was thinking of Chris and what happen those 7 yrs ago i remember wat he said to me that i block out of memory since his death. he said "i hope one day you'll find someone that would be everything to you like i was to and that this person will help you like i did" Chris said that to me 4 days before his b-day when he died. and now i just remember it and then thinking is my boyfriend the one Chris was talking about 7 yrs ago saying that my boyfriend was going to be everything for me. when i think about this and everything else all i think about is my boyfriend going to do the samething Chris did to me 7 yrs ago or is Chris saying my boyfriend is actually going to stick with me through everything and help me like Chris did. my boyfriend is the only that doesn't hate me and loves me and i know he does. i love my boyfriend dearly i dont want ne thing bad to happen to him, but everytime i think and say i want nothing bad happing to my boyfriend i say to myself but i feel like i'm the one hurting him which is a bad thing happing to him. i'm always cutting and drinking so why did my boyfriend choose me to be his girlfriend. i'm not the perfect girl to be with. so why did he choose me out of all the other wonderful girls out there in the world. how did someone like me get pick out of the others. i've always wanted to ask him that but i've been to afarid dont know why though. well im happy to be with my boyfriend and love him dearly! but i have to keep my promise to Chris that i made with him 7 yrs ago even though he's dead doesn't mean i can't keep our promise it just means that we wont do it together. so sometime this year i have to complete the promise i made to Chris and i know no one going to stop me once i have the perfect plan which i haven't thought yet but it will happen. ja ne

RIP
Chris

~Forbidden Moon Child of Darkness